what is this.  can't play drums.  can't get a groove.  buy all the toys in the world.  doesn't make it any better.  umm.  shame.  or is it, sham.

fuckit.  spaghetti at 5am sounds good to me.

get its?  joke!

New artwork invoked in my dreams today.  loss incurred through drinking.  THING HAPPENS.  working on overthrowing some tradition or other.  playing devil's advocate.  IT WUT I DOES!

just want to say hello.  pass it on everyone who doesn't read.  like.  tonight is one of the more relevant nights.   and i feel only a little shame (BECAUSE IT IS MY DA Y OFF DAMNIT) that i take advantage of this time to drink.  but tonight, less so than others that could lead to restraint.  i am showing restraint.  tonight.  THE TIME FOR WORDPLAY IS OVER!!!!

Sometimes i like to open up all of my network-website accounts.  and switch from tab to tab.  Thinking, look at how CONNECTED i am!

Was talking to ash about my music tastes.  playing the new Ke$ha album.  he asked if i really like it and i say yes.  and this he thinks is refreshing.  Is it refreshing that someone likes the music that they listen to?  am i only allowed to like pop music if i listen to it ironically?  how did this get so confused?  I suggest a return to traditional values in which everyone enjoys what they enjoy. 

Oh i just realized that this proposition doesn't really fly with my mustache.  hmm.  NEVERMIND, EVERYBODY!  NEVER you MIND!

also dling.  the knife.  lady gaga: monster.

i am so close from being able to listen to new album animal by kesha. but for three songs! oh download oh! how irritating is this! my own clock which is tik tok ing is going to make me a mad man. how do i make the internet work for me. google, TRANSLATE!. what an awesome webstie name. http://www.lookatme.ru/ last night, lots of words. repetition. i drink.

i find lots of words to be boring. aim: whatnowcrh put down the camera and POSE DAMNIT!

i cannot wait for it to become warm outside again. i would like to be able to go to and from places without having a coat or coats to wear. not sure of the monetary sitch but am thinking of going out to shop. since the post fire is nowhere to be scene.

once again. what's up with redheads?

The tape runs into my mixer just fine. Mission one: Check. Play some Depeche Mode. Mission two: Check. Record DM from tape player overlapped with keys and effects of my own choosing onto tape in second cassette slot. Mission three: Fail. At this point i gave up on that arch.

reboot...

Played melodica. Mission one: check. Play melodica more. Mission two: check. Continue playing melodica till my solar plexus is sore. Mission three: check.

you win!

it's some holiday, and though i am giving it power by mentioning it, albeit cryptically, but not too much, i feel as though i have done what is needed. right? no, sorry. i'm feeling confidant tonight. right.

these things happen. i remember what was said, and this is not uncommon for me. this, too, will pass. then that will pass and this will come again.

1960 Japanese kit guitars. Wtfucking beautiful. As if i don't have enough old broken instruments. I don't btw. I am so into the excessive pickups and the use of individual switches for each pickup. The nonstandard shapes of the body, head, and pickguard. And yes, i just want them because the are pretty. But this day is no good for making sounds with average. Today is different!
BEHOLD

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Season 6. Check. Next up, based on a longstanding tradition of chronological order, Season 7. Damnit nakul, i'm supposed to be resting.

i got it.

but damn, can't remember my IM passwords. its been so long since i've had to log in the old fascioned way. ah its about time for a new screen name anyway. oh boy, you can't wait for the shit i'm gonna start up spewing. just having a twitter was bad enough. here i a m t h o.

bizket

seriously, all my blogs are getting redundant.  who is annie lennox.  why did i buy her tape?  am i going to enjoy it on the way to work!  since i am enjoying pop radio so much recently, i bought some tapes at goodwill.  nat king cole and ella fitzgerald.  and the cats original broadway recording, out of some sense of obligation.  why i do the things i do?

the big boys are talking about things that you wouldn't understand.  because, you see, we're just not interested in talking about you anymore.

hush.

"I think that any musician who's brutalizing himself in his music, screaming their head off and going to the darkest internal places imaginable, and then coming out of it still being a miserable asshole in surface life is not creating something effective for themselves, unless the point of their music is to just channel their bad feelings and put even more bad energy into the world."

Toby Driver (here)

then i laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and then i threw my phone across the room in outrage and laughed and laughed and who does she think she is?

it really is funny though, imagining that it isn't really happening to me, like its on a sitcom and there's actually some punchline worth waiting for.

OUTEVENTUALLY

has it really been 5 months since my last post?  congratulations.  if you missed this, you can look forward to my next half assed artwork zine.  with more gratuitous naming of names, ridiculous fantasizing, and my so called bar scrawls.

important blips:  girlfriend.  car was broken into.  ipod is missing.  now i listen to tapes.  started painting.  started artist's way again.

apparently is behind every crappy retail position available.  so why can't i just create a profile with them and fill out optional stuff when i want to work at a new exciting retail environment?  really now.  now.  now i get to do it again.  oh.  and apparently the "answers" to the personality survey have been posted on the internet?  all strongly agree or strongly disagree.  ok people?!  not for the weak of heart.

it looks like the housing problem has been solved by another problem.  new question of the week, anyone know of positions available in downtown area?  in the low teens to single digit streets.  hopefully near illinoise street?  i don't really want to need a car...

my antivirus program ate some of the files for flstudios.  which i was using for drum programming.  now fl thinks it is just a demo.  :(  it is unfortunate because i had almost half of a song programmed and now all the notes come out as synths.  not so bad if the notes had anything to do with the rest of the song.  but virtual drum machines has the hits assigned to keys all willy nilly.  if you have done this sort of thing before... it no happy!  wel well welll.  bonus question.  anyone know of a good vst drum machine?  free of course.

i'm modeling my life after that of another.  i can't help but wonder if that isn't a mistake.  just like i can't help but wonder if everything i do is a mistake.

best way to find cheap place to rent in indy?

thinking and thinking and thinking in what i think is the wrong direction.  telling you my plans without executing them.  i am a fiction presented in the form of online rambling. 

are alive.  and i am hiding.

again it comes down to work ethic.

also, if anyone has any books that they feel are the authority on whatever occult, religious, or pseudo science, and would be willing to lend it to me for long period of time?  i  realized all i read are the pocket book abbreviation.  the only full sized, not-the-kiddie-pool, book i am in the middle of is the bible.  yes, the one with manga in it.  may i just say, MANGAjZUZ

is my last week at the recording studio.  it was a good idea, but poorly executed.  i still have the opportunity to go back and record a "project" sometime.  okay, special, thanks folks.

as a result, i'll probably be to WLaff in the near future.  oh boy.

i am recording a suicide cover.  i want to make it interesting.  most of the songs on the self titled album (the one i have for reference) are like this. 
drum machine: thfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfffthfff
bass synth: some cowbow riff
organ:                                                                                                              STAB
vocals:  elvis impersonator saturated with delay.

i am recording a suicide cover because ash thinks that when nakul and i get this project together that we will sound like suicide.  possibly maybe.